Today’s HumanFuckery: Florida Man Steals Goods To Pay For Ankle Monitor Fee!! (1/26/2020)

Florida Man Steals To Pay For GPS Ankle Monitor Fee!!

Excerpt From Article:
He began by stealing cigarettes from Hitchcock’s on Jan. 20. Two days later, he stole some drills, batteries and other items from work vehicles at a business on Masters Road.

While PCSO was investigating these crimes, they were informed that some guy named “John” was trying to get some money to pay for his ankle monitor. At this point, deputies looked at Parker’s movements and found that he was at Hitchcock’s at the time of the burglary.

At this moment, Parker turned up at the sheriff’s office to pay for his late fee on his ankle monitor. Deputies arrested him and charged him with three counts of burglary, one count of grand theft and two counts of petit theft. He was taken to the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office and held without bond.
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In the past we’ve posted our fair share of fucktards attempting to steal while being monitored by an ankle monitor (view the see also links below) but never has the motive for their theft to obtain money to pay for their gps monitor.. This fuckery is pretty ass backwards if you ask us!!

see also:New York Man Charged In 10 Burglaries While Wearing GPS Ankle Bracelet!!!

see also:Parolee Allegedly Robs Subway; Ankle Bracelet Alerts Authorities!!

see also:Woman Stole Amazon Packages In Arizona To Pay Off Meth Debt!!!

see also:Man Robs Home While Wearing GPS Ankle Bracelet!!

source:weartv.com

Fuckery We Missed: Police Say Employee Unhappy With His Paycheck Plowed Into KFC!!! (1/26/2020)

KFC Employee Unhappy With Paycheck Crashes Car Into Restaurant!!

This fuckery was well thought out by this fucktard… Jeez, all the damage you caused over this “discrepancy” on your check is not gonna cost nowhere close to what you were bitching about, dumb ass!!

View the see also links below for more KFC fuckery!!

see also: Woman Fires Shot Into KFC Drive Thru Window After Not Receiving Fork And Napkin!!

see also:Woman Attacks KFC Manager Over Job Application!!

see also:Florida Man Charged With Trying To Force KFC Employee To Reopen Restaurant At Gunpoint!!

see also:Florida Man Charged With Trying To Force KFC Employee To Reopen Restaurant At Gunpoint!!

source:wcti12.com

Today Is National Florida Day!!! (1/25/2020)

In observance of National Florida Day (we almost missed it) we’ve decided to post some of our favorite incidents of fuckery from the Sunshine State!!!

Florida Woman Upset Over Dipping Sauce Threatens McDonald’s Employees!

Florida Woman Loses Her Shit Over Sauce!!

Due To Length Of Article We’ve Decided To Repost:

A Florida woman upset because she did not receive dipping sauce with her order was arrested for threatening McDonald’s employees, claiming she would obtain the condiment “by whatever means necessary.”

Maguire Marie Mclaughlin, 19, was arrested on New Year’s Day after the early morning confrontation in Vero Beach.

According to The Smoking Gun, Mclaughlin began screaming at drive-thru employees when she didn’t receive the dipping sauce.

Upon being told by employees the dipping sauce would cost an additional 25 cents, Mclaughlin served up the threat, giving workers a reason to fear for the safety

Mclaughlin was taken into custody and placed into restraints after refusing to walk with officers.
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This incident of fuckery is mild compared to some freak outs we’ve posted about in the past over sauce… View the see also links below for more sauce fuckery!!!

see also:Man Shoots Up Taco Bell Because He Didn’t Receive Any Taco Sauce!!

see also:Woman Pulls Gun On McDonald’s Employees Over Jelly/Ketchup Mix-Up!!!

see also:Man Pulls Gun On Popeyes Manager Over Condiment Conflict!!

see also:Pregnant Taco Bell Employee Choked By Woman Upset Over Hot Sauce Packets!!

see also:California McDonald’s Manager Beaten, Choked by Woman Upset Over Missing Ketchup!!!

source:local10.com

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Florida Woman Throws Bucket Of Human Feces On Landlord!

Florida Woman Throws Bucket Of SHIT On Landlord!

Excerpt From Article:

She said she couldn’t explain why her landlord was covered in feces so she later changed her story and said she blocked the bucket, which caused the contents to spill on the victim, records show.

She said the victim then chased her into the bathroom of the trailer and smeared feces on her face until she was able to run away to a neighbor’s house, according to authorities.

“She took the poop and rubbed it all over,” Mercader said in the body camera video.

“All I know, in a long time of doing this job I’ve never seen anything like it, OK? I’m not disputing what you’re telling me but … she’s dripping with it, (yours) is not,” the deputy replied.

Deputies said they told Mercader she needed to tell the truth, which is when she said that she intended to grab a bucket of water but accidentally grabbed a bucket of human feces instead and threw it at her landlord.
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What did this lady not have pluming and was just shitting in this bucket or was this nasty bitch planning this?? Sadly this isn’t the first time we’ve seen a nasty fuck pull some similar fuckery like this… Please feel free to visit the see also links below for more fuckery…

see also:Woman Sets Boyfriend On Fire, Dumps Urine On Him To Extinguish The Fire!!

see also: Homeless Man Hurls Bucket Of Diarrhea At Woman Near Hollywood Walk Of Fame!!!

see also:NYPD Identifies Woman Who Threw Bucket Full Of Feces & Urine On Victim

source:clickorlando.com
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Florida Man Masturbated On Woman In Walmart Toy Aisle!

Florida Man Jizzed On Woman In Toy Aisle At Walmart!!

Unbelievable!! This nasty fuck should be forced to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life for this sick shit!! Sadly, this isn’t the first time we’ve seen fucktards do similar fuckery like this, feel free to visit the see also links below for more fuckery…

see also:Man Arrested For Throwing Semen On Women In Grocery Stores!!!

see also:Decades Of Semen Squirting Lands Offender In State Prison For 3-6 Years!!

see also:Man Arrested For Shooting His Cum (Via Syringe) On Unsuspecting Women!!

see also:Florida Man Arrested For Having Sex With Stuffed ‘Olaf’ At Target!!!

source:wfla.com

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Florida Man Punches Elderly Man When Told To Stop Masturbating At Miami Supermarket Parking Lot!!

Florida Man Attacks Elderly Man Because He Interrupted Him Beating Off!!

This fuckery is just Florida Man being Florida Man… There’s nothing much more to say about this fuckery, this fuckery speaks for itself!!

see also:Florida Man Caught Beating Off At Bus Stop Tells Officers He’s “Captin Kirk”!!!

see also:Florida Man Caught Beating Off To Sunbathers In Car!!!

see also:Michigan Man Caught Beating Off While Riding Bicycle On Trail!!!

see also:Brian M. Bates Serial Masturbator Arrested After Beating Off At Doctor’s Office!!

source:miami.cbslocal.com
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Florida Man Arrested For Having Sex With Stuffed ‘Olaf’ At Target!!

Florida Man Fucks Frozen Doll In Target!!

Excerpt From Article:

Witnesses told police they saw Cody Meader, 20, take a large Olaf from “Frozen” off the store shelves at a St. Petersburg location and begin to “dry hump” the toy.

The police report claims Meader ejaculated on the Olaf doll and put it back on the shelf before he “selected a large unicorn stuffed animal” and began to have sex with that object as well.

Meader was taken into custody while in the store and admitted to doing “stupid stuff.” He was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.
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Just when you think you’ve heard it all here’s this fucking freeeeak who chose to bust a nut on a stuffed Disney Frozen doll in the middle of the isle in Target and then when he completed the act he put that shit back on the shelf!! Unbelievable… This fucktard should face some jail time for this fuckery and also be forced to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life!!

source:clickorlando.com
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Florida Burglar Forces Woman To Watch Porn In Her Own Home!!!

Burglar Forces Woman To Watch Porn!!

Excerpt From Article:

An Escambia County Sheriff’s Office arrest warrant says Christopher Strickland, 36, entered the woman’s home on June 2 while she home alone with her infant.

Deputies said Strickland entered her bedroom wearing women’s clothing, including a red and pink bra, and a camouflage vehicle headrest on his head. Strickland crawled on top of the woman and put a knife to her throat, the warrant says.

Strickland then dragged her into the home’s living room and forced her to watch pornography on his phone while he masturbated, according to deputies.
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MAN WHAT!!! Unbelievable… It will be interesting to see what type of sentence this fucktard will be receiving for this fucked up shit!! WOW!!!

see also:California Burglar Who Browsed Porn During Home Invasion Leaves His Jizz ON LAPTOP!!!

see also: Man Stops To Watch Porn During Burglary!!!

source:wkrg.com
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Florida Man Arrested For Botching Castration On Victim He Met On Dark Web!!

Botched Castration!!

Excerpt From Article:

Deputies say Van Ryswyk told them he met the victim on a website on the dark web for people with a castration fetish. The sheriff’s office says he told the victim he had experience on animals and had performed a procedure on himself back in 2012.

“He also said he had done a similar procedure on a man in a local motel a few years ago that turned out pretty much like this one, but couldn’t remember the other man’s name. The man went to the hospital, but law enforcement was not notified,” the sheriff’s office said in its Facebook post.

Van Ryswyk was arrested on Monday and charged with practicing medicine without a license resulting in bodily injury. His bond has been set at $250,000.
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Nothing much more to say about this fuckery, this fuckery speaks for itself!!!

see also: Man Arrested After Removing Transgender Woman’s Testicles!!!

see also: Man Detoxing Cuts Off Own Genitals!!

source:wfla.com
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Florida Man Accused Of Pulling Gun On Woman Who Refused To Try His Vape Pen At McDonald’s!

Hit This Vape!!!

Excerpt From Article:

The victim told the officers that she was approached by Walker, who asked if she would try a hit of his vape pen, according to the police report. After the victim refused, Walker said, “Are you serious, bro?” according to the report.

Walker then lifted up his shirt and showed the victim a gun, police said. Walker pulled the gun out of his pants and began asking, “What’s up now? What’s up now?” police said.

The victim told police that she was in fear of her life, according to the report.
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A cigarette smoker would never pull this fuckery!!! Jeez, just when you think you’ve heard it all from Florida Man he pulls this fuckery!! SMH…

source:wftv.com
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Florida Woman Attempts To Stab Woman Because She Was Denied Slice Of Pizza!

FL Woman Attempts To Stab Woman Over Slice Of Pizza!!

Excerpt From Article:

De’Erica Cooks, 22, became angry after an unidentified woman said “no” when Cooks asked for a slice of her pizza, according to an offense report. Cooks then said, “I’m going to cut you,” while holding a steak knife in her hand, according to witness statements. The woman who was threatened by Cooks told the Sheriff’s Office that Cooks then tried to attack her with the knife and that she feared for her life.

A man in the house was able to wrestle the knife away from Cooks, but she grabbed another one, according to the report. Cooks told investigators she does not remember much during her fit of anger, the report states.
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Thank god no one was injured by this psycho!! Trust me, this incident of fuckery ain’t shit compared to some of the other attacks we’ve previously posted… Please feel free to visit the see also links below for more lunatics who freaked the fuck out over some pizza!!

see also:65 Year Old Man Beat To Death With Cane Over A Slice Of Pizza!!

see also:Man Shoots At Detroit Domino’s Pizza After Order Wasn’t Ready!!!

see also:3 Teens Shoot Up Pizza Joint Due To Wrong Toppings On Pizza!!!

see also: Woman Attacks Seattle Pizza Shop Employees With Bear Mace!!!

see also:Florida Man Stabs Friend In Chest Over Pizza!!

source:staugustine.com

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Florida Man Catches Wife Cheating, Cuts Off Lover’s Dick With Scissors!

Florida Man Cuts Of Wife’s Lovers Dick With Scissors!!

Excerpt From Article:

The man told investigators his neighbor, Alex Bonilla, 49, broke into his home with a gun and threatened to kill him. Two children were inside the home when Bonilla showed up, according to the report.

The victim said Bonilla tied him up and used a pair of scissors to cut off his penis. According to the arrest report, after Bonilla cut off the victim’s penis, he left the home with the penis.

Deputies said Bonilla caught the victim and his wife having sex a couple of weeks before the incident.
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We get that you’re mad about catching your wife cheating but… did you really have to take this man’s manhood off like that!!?? With scissors!!! Eh… This must be the way Florida Man deals with cheating men because we’ve seen another Florida Man do something pretty similar!! View the see also link below for more details on the other incident of fuckery!!!

see also:Florida Man Cut Off Genitals Of Romantic Rival!!!

source:nbc-2.com

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Florida Woman Who Hid Stolen Rolexes In PUSSY Beats Charge!!

Florida Woman Hides 4 Rolexes In Pussy!!!

Excerpt From Article:

Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

So what happens to the watches? Diaz only had proof of ownership of one Rolex, according to the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office. The rest will remain in the property room at the Miami Springs police department until someone files a motion with the court to claim them.
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Damn we thought for sure when we originally posted this incident of fuckery that this woman would be prosecuted for this but it obvious this woman got lucky!! Honestly it’s probably best for both parties that this fuckery is done and over, we’re sure all parties involved have suffered enough humiliation from this shit..

For more post dealing with people hiding things in their coochies feel free to visit the see also links below!!!

see also: Authorities Find Seven Syringes Stashed Inside Florida Woman PUSSY After She Was Arrest At Burger King!!

see also: Fuckery We Missed: Authorities Finds Pipe, Three Bags Of Drugs, And A Box Inside Florida Woman’s Pussy!

see also: Woman Found With Gun Inside Of PUSSY During Strip Search Pleads Guilty!!!

see also:3 Syringes, $20 bill, And Pill Found In Arkansas Woman’s Pussy!!

source:miamiherald.com

Today’s HumanFuckery: Woman Accused Of Pooping In Massachusetts Parking Lot At Least 8 Times!! (1/25/2020)

Serial Pooper Caught In Massachusetts!!

Nasty Bitch!! There’s nothing much more to say about this fuckery, this fuckery speaks for itself….

Feel free to visit the see also links below for more sick bastards shitting in public.

see also:Wisconsin Teacher Admits To Defecating In Park For 2 Years!!

see also:Man Caught Pooping In Aisle Of San Francisco Safeway!!!

see also:“Serial Pooper” Wanted In Seattle!!

see also:Arrest Made In Mystery Serial New Jersey Pooper Case!

see also:The “Poo Jogger” Has Been Caught!!!

see also:“Shit Bandit” Strikes In Arkansas!!!

source:nbcboston.com

Fuckery We Missed: Florida Man Sets Fire To Apartment To Keep Warm!!! (1/25/2020)

Florida Man Sets Fire To Apartment To Keep Warm!!

Due To Length Of Article We’ve Decided To Repost:

A St. Petersburg man was arrested Tuesday morning for setting fire inside his apartment to stay warm.

Mark Okrent, 66, was charged with arson in the first degree after he allegedly set fire to a stack of paperwork in his apartment building around 3 a.m.

According to the St. Petersburg Police Department, the flames were large enough to set off the smoke detectors, causing a response from the fire department.

Okrent lives in a 30 unit building at 450 5th Ave. N., and residents were home during the incident. No one was injured.

Okrent had several options available to him through neighbors and owners of the building to stay warm, according to the police department.
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We get some of you Floridians wouldn’t know what to do with the recent cold front that hit Florida earlier this week we but this fuckery right here is just down right baffling… SMH.. This fucktard should be happy that his stupidity didn’t kill himself or others..

source:wfla.com

Today’s HumanFuckery: Florida Man Searching For Prostitutes Hits Woman With Car, Rapes Her!!! (1/23/2020)

Man Searching For Prostitutes Hits Woman With Car, Rapes Her!!

Excerpt From Article:

The victim told officials she was run over by the vehicle and then sexually battered by Reyes. According to an arrest report, the victim told police she screamed and begged for her life but Reyes told her to shut up or he would kill her.

Officials said before grabbing her, Reyes struck her with his car, breaking her arm.

The victim said after she fell off the hood of the vehicle, Reyes began to violently take her clothing off and rape her, the report said.

Though the victim told police she was not a prostitute, she did say she had seen the suspect in the area before. Police said other women who are prostitutes identified the driver of the black Mustang as Reyes.
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So this fucktard is really out here playing a real life game of Grand Theft Auto, this fuckery reminds me of when you pick up hookers in the game and after they’re done servicing your character they get out of your car and you proceed to run them over and get your money back… Jeez… We at humanfuckery.com wish this victim a speedy recovery.. Unbelievable!!

source:wesh.com

Today’s HumanFuckery: 2 Parents Caught On Camera Losing Their Shit A Their Child’s Sporting Event!! (1/22/2020)

To be honest, fuckery like this isn’t shocking at all.. A few years back I worked as a referee for my local YMCA for both girls and boys from the school grades of 3rd-6th and these parents would go bat shit crazy at these games as if their children were playing professionally!! During that time I heard parents say the most insane shit to the referees, coaches, players, you fuckin name it!! We at humanfuckery.com wish these two victims speedy recoveries..

Parent Headbutts Basketball Referee During 5th Grade Game In Ohio!!

Excerpt From Article:

The referee, Doug Thompson, told News Center 7’s Katy Andersen the situation escalated during the second half of the game when parents in the crowd started becoming rowdy.

Thompson said he asked the Graham fan to leave after he used profanity toward Thompson during a timeout. Thomson said he had asked the fans who were yelling at him if there was a problem.

“He flipped me the middle finger and said the ‘F’ word to me again and then he jumped down and he headbutted me in the face,” Thompson said.
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source:whio.com

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Father Arrested, Charged After Tackling Student Athlete At Wrestling Match

source:myfox8.com

Fuckery We Missed: Texas Man Arrested For Stealing Burger King Meal From Ex-Girlfriend!!! (1/21/2020)

Man Steals Ex Girlfriend’s BK!!

Excerpt From Article:

According to court documents, Johnson was waiting in the bushes of an apartment complex they both reside at. When the victim approached her apartment, Johnson rushed her, snatched her food and fled into his apartment upstairs.

Johnson originally told police that he was angry that another man was buying the victim food. He was charged with Theft from Person.
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AHAHAH!! This man didn’t steal this food because he was hungry but because his ex’s new man bought it for her!! You can’t make this fuckery up!!!

Feel free to visit the see also links below for more Burger King fuckery!!

see also:Florida Woman Arrested For Assaulting Burger King Manager When Request For Free French Fries Was Denied!!!

see also:Burger King Customer Calls 911 Because BK Wouldn’t Honor Free Whopper Coupon!!!

see also:Burger King Was Closed, So Drunk Illinois Man Proceeds To Stripped Naked In Street!!!

source:fox7austin.com