Today’s HumanFuckery: Brian M. Bates Serial Masturbator Arrested After Beating Off At Doctor’s Office!! (12/6/2018)

Brian M. Bates Serial Masturbator
Excerpt From Article:

A man with a history of exposing himself in public was arrested after cops found him masturbating in front of women at a Paramus doctor’s office, authorities said Wednesday.

Brian Bates was charged with criminal open lewdness for the Friday incident at a Ridgewood Avenue office, according to borough police Chief Kenneth Ehrenberg. Officers went to the medical office for a report of a man exposing himself to patients.

“Upon police arrival, officers found Bates in the bathroom with the door open while masturbating and simultaneously attempting to penetrate his anus with the handle of the toilet bowl scrubber,” Ehrenberg said in a statement.

MAN WHAT.. This man’s actions is the epitome of human fuckery!!

Today’s HumanFuckery: Florida Man Arrested After Offering Undercover Cop A Hamburger In Exchange For Sex Act!!! (12/5/2018)

Hamburger In Exchange For Sex Act!!

Due To Length Of Article We’ve Decided To Repost:

A Florida Man arranged to receive oral sex from an undercover female cop “in exchange for a hamburger,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Frank Caponi, 57, was collared Saturday afternoon after allegedly striking the burger-for-sex arrangement with a St. Petersburg cop. The affidavit does not indicate whether Caponi possessed the hamburger or was prepared to procure one pre-fellatio.

When questioned by arresting officers, Caponi reportedly acknowledged that “he and the female spoke of sex.”

Charged with a misdemeanor prostitution count, Caponi was booked into the county jail (from which he bonded out Saturday evening after posting $250).

Caponi’s rap sheet includes convictions for grand theft and battery on a law enforcement officer. Cops noted that Caponi, who operates an auto body shop, has a Death Before Dishonor tattoo on his right arm and a grim reaper inked on his forearm.

A couple things here.. (1) Of course this fuckery happened in Florida and (2) we’ve seen other food items offered up for sex by johns and also by PROSTITUTES!!! View the see also links below for similar stories!!!

see also:Man Attempts To Pay Hooker With Quarter Pounder With Cheese Value Meal From Mcd’s!!

see also:Florida Prostitute Offers Undercover Cop A Blowjob For $25 And Mcnuggets!!

see also:Backpage Prostitute Solicit Officer For Cash And Nachos!!

see also:Woman Offers Undercover Officer A Blowjob For 2 Soft Tacos From Taco Bell!!

Today’s HumanFuckery: Utah Man Hammered Ice Pick Through Roommate’s Cock!!! (12/5/2018)

Man Hammers Ice Pick Through Roommates Dick!!

Due To Length Of Article We’ve Decided To Repost:

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A Utah man has been charged with sexual assault and kidnapping after authorities say he hammered a tool resembling an ice pick through another man’s penis during an argument.

The 45-year-old Jason Dee Maughn is scheduled to make a court appearance Wednesday in Salt Lake City. Online court records don’t list an attorney.

Court documents show that Maughn is accused of putting a gun to the victim’s head and handcuffing him to a chair on Aug. 30. The victim told police he was given a choice of being killed in the desert or having a nail driven into his penis. He says he went to the hospital the next day for treatment after Maughn took the handcuffs off.

The charging document describes the case as domestic violence and says the men lived together, but doesn’t explain their exact relationship.

Man WHAT!! We at wish this man a speedy recovery!! WTF MAN!!!

Today’s HumanFuckery: Woman Accused Of Pouring Hot Grease On Victim!! (12/5/2018)

Hot Grease Attack!!

Excerpt From Article:

CINCINNATI, OH (FOX19) – A 61-year-old woman is accused of pouring hot grease on another person during a dispute.

Charlene Thompson was embroiled in an argument when she dumped the grease on the victim Sunday at a residence on Hawaiian Terrace in Mt. Airy, court records show.

The victim suffered severe burns to their back and arm, court records show.

Cincinnati police officers said the injuries were visible when they arrived on scene.

Thompson was arrested on a charge of felonious assault and booked into the Hamilton County jail.

Why did this lady lash out like this?? All joking aside we at would like to wish the victim a speedy recovery! This woman would be a candidate for mugshot of the year but unfortunately we’ve already went through the candidate selection process!! If you’d like to see who’s up for consideration for Mugshot of The Year check out our end of year polls!

Today’s HumanFuckery: Pennsylvania Woman Pleads Guilty To Fatally Crushing Boyfriend!! (12/4/2018)

300 Pound Woman Crushes 120 Pound Boyfriend!
Excerpt From Article:

Erie police investigators charged that Thomas killed Butler during a March 18 attack at the couple’s apartment at 1019 East Ave. Thomas told investigators that she cut Butler in the hand with a folding knife struck him in the head with a table leg during a confrontation.

Thomas also said she placed her head on the couch so a portion of her body would be on Butler’s head, police said. Investigators wrote in the affidavit of probable cause that Thomas weighs approximately 300 pounds and Butler weighed approximately 120 pounds.

What a terrible way to go!! We at hope the ones who love this poor man got the justice they deserve from this sentencing! This woman is facing 18 to 36 years for this fuckery!!

see also:325 Pound Florida Woman Kills 9 Year Old Child By Sitting On Her!

Today’s HumanFuckery: Video Puts Connecticut Landscaper In Sticky Situation!!! (12/4/2018)

Landscapers Gets Freaky On Job!!

Excerpt From Article:

Police said the woman told officers she and Somley had been loading wood into a trailer when Somley said he needed to take a break.

After about 20 minutes, the woman went looking for Somley and found him in the home, standing there naked watching pornography on a laptop, police said.

in the home, standing there naked watching pornography on a laptop, police said.

When the woman questioned what Somley was doing, police said, he responded that he needed to relieve himself before continuing work.

Police said the woman left and went back to loading wood on the trailer. But, after a short while, decided that she, too, needed to take a break.

When she went back into the home this time, she found Somley naked and dribbling maple syrup on his body, police said.

Police said the woman confessed that this sight was a “turn on” for her and she demanded to be allowed to participate.

In addition to the syrup, police said the couple engaged in foreplay with blueberry jelly.

All the while, police said, Somley was taking video of the situation.

When the woman found out there was video, police said, she demanded that Somley delete it, but he refused.

Wait what??? These folks were obviously doing this in someone else’s house?? Man…. There’s nothing much more to say about this fuckery, this fuckery speaks for itself!!

Today’s HumanFuckery: ‘I Know It Looks Like A Meth Lab, But It’s Really Not,’ Lincoln County Suspect Tells Deputies!! (12/4/2018)

‘I Know It Looks Like A Meth Lab, But It’s Really Not,’

Excerpts From Article:

Investigators found methamphetamine, smoking pipes, a stolen gun, chemicals, lab supplies and two books on how to manufacture meth in a Lincoln County home last week, but the owners had a defense ready, according to police.

“I know it looks like a meth lab, but it’s really not,” Jennifer Ziga told deputies, according to the Lincoln County sheriff’s office.

In a search of the attic, detectives found two methamphetamine manufacturing books along with chemicals and other materials commonly used to make meth

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again… Ladies and Gentlemen….. DONT DO METH!!!

see also:Homeless Woman Turns Good Samaritan’s Home Into Meth Lab!!

Fuckery We Missed: House Catches Fire Hours After Man Kills Girlfriend Inside!! (12/4/2018)

“He called our dispatch (and said) that he would turn himself in at 9:30. He said he was going to go smoke crack first, so he pretty much did just that,”

Excerpt From Article:

The house where authorities say a woman was killed by her boyfriend Sunday morning was burned in a fire Sunday night.

The death and fire happened at a home on Waters Road in Inman, officials said.

Sheriff Chuck Wright said the suspect called 911 after killing his girlfriend.

“Right around 8 o’clock, we got a call from a guy that just said he’d killed his girlfriend. He called our dispatch (and said) that he would turn himself in at 9:30. He said he was going to go smoke crack first, so he pretty much did just that,” Wright said.

The Sheriff’s Office identified the suspect as William Smith, of Chesnee, and charged him with murder and possession of a weapon during the commission of a violent crime.

We at send our condolences to the ones who love this victim!!